Ghost of Myself
by jakxkeiraaddict
Summary: I can feel it pushing at the walls of my veins... begging to be noticed, and yet staying just out of my reach. The boy I once was is gone, and this shell of a man is all that's left of him. I'm not who I used to be. Written in Jak's POV, pre-Jak II.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Jak and Daxter, or any of its related characters and concepts. All belongs to Naughty Dog.**

**JKA: Alrighty, so I know most of you are waiting for an update for "Eternal Flame". Well, fear not, dear readers, because chapter 13 is in the works, but it's been put on the backburner lately because of other obligations, most of it schoolwork. This little oneshot here happens to be one of those obligations, though, and it's finally done! :) And so, this is my first oneshot that's more or less centered around Dark Jak and all his devilish glory. XD Takes place from about five minutes pre-Jak II up to when Daxter comes to spring Jak out of prison. As usual, read, review, and enjoy the angstliness~**

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><p><strong><span>Ghost of Myself<span>**

_What is this_?

I can feel it pushing at the walls of my veins, lingering at the back of my mind as though waiting for its perfect moment to strike. This thing has never shown itself, never revealed to me what it _is_, exactly, but I know it's there. It's like a phantom presence, a constant tugging at my subconscious, begging to be noticed and yet staying shrouded in darkness, just out of my reach.

Maybe I've been in this damn hellhole too long, and I've finally cracked. That wouldn't surprise me, to be honest. It was only a matter of time, anyway; the other prisoners all went insane long ago — well, when they were still alive, at least.

Heh, if you ask me, the guys that died at the beginning of this so-called "project" the Baron's running are the lucky ones. They didn't have to suffer the level of torture I'm being put through on a daily basis — two unbearable years of it.

Two years… and I'm the only survivor left standing.

I've got Praxis to thank for that, the sick-minded bastard. How many innocent people he murdered pumping full of Dark Eco, I'll never know, but he's going to pay for every single one of them. And that goes for Erol, too, the Baron's sadistic right-hand man. He's just as bad as Praxis himself, if not worse. At least the Baron never comes to watch me get beaten by the Guards and then just stand there laughing in my face the whole time.

A surge of rage washes over me as I think of them, the two most responsible for everything that's happened to me from the moment I crash-landed in this Mar-forsaken place — a day that seems a century away, now. Those pathetic morons stole my entire life from me, and when I'm through with them, they'll wish they'd never been stupid enough to throw me in this dank excuse for a prison.

Some day soon, both of them are going to die — and their blood will be on my hands.

Suddenly, a jolt of pain rips through my body like a stroke of lightning, and I grit my teeth to fight back a cry of agony. My hands fly up to either side of my head, pressing against it in a vain effort to dull the aching. I squeeze my eyes shut and fall to my knees, vaguely aware of the cold stone floor bruising them upon impact.

Thick shadows crash over my senses like a tidal wave, and I fail to suppress a scream as the pain intensifies, making it feel as though my skull is being split in half.

_**Let me kill them.**_

No more than a whisper in my ear, a low hiss dripping like venom through the void of agony swirling in my mind… and yet I could've sworn I heard a voice.

_**Their blood is mine.**_

Ok, now I definitely know I heard someone speaking. The only thing I don't understand is where it's coming from.

"W-who are you?" I ask shakily, my eyes still firmly shut as my head throbs sickeningly.

_**Oh, you know exactly who I am, don't you, **_**Jak?**

The way it says my name, how its tone shifts from a quiet growl to a mocking snarl sends a violent shiver rolling down my spine.

"Show yourself!" I snap, my fingers clenching fistfuls of my overgrown hair. Inhaling sharply, I open my eyelids to narrow slits, quickly scanning the dingy cell I've called home for far too long to find the source of the voice. A twinge of shock chills my veins as I realize that the cramped space around me is completely empty.

I was alone.

_**Keep dreaming, Jakky-boy. You're never alone — not with **_**me**_** here.**_

"W-what do you mean?" My words are trembling as they tumble out of my mouth now, but I really couldn't care less if I tried. The pain only seems to be getting worse, and murky blackness is starting to creep into the edges of my vision.

_**Look deep inside your mind, **_**hero.**_** You know me, and I know you. Probably better than you know yourself.**_

I gasp as the shadows consume everything around me, until the only thing I can see is an endless abyss of nothing, darker than the coldest midnight.

An image begins to flicker in front of my mind's eye, popping in and out of focus in time with my shallow breathing. I catch glimpses of pale gray skin; long, curved claws; pure white fangs bared in a predatory smirk; and bottomless ebony eyes, glittering with malice.

That face… it looks so familiar, and yet so different. It's almost like I'm looking in the mirror, except the person staring back at me is some twisted version of myself, a creature more devil than man.

Everything abruptly clicks into place within my subconscious, and for a moment it feels as though the very planet has stopped spinning, and time itself has come screeching to a halt.

_**That's right, buddy-boy. I **_**am**_** you.**_

"No…" It comes out as a broken whisper, tense with denial but hardly understandable. It's not true — it can't be. That beast isn't me, I'm better than that _thing_…

…right?

Some part of my mind tells me I'm wrong, and as much as I hate to admit it, I know it's the truth. Whatever the Baron and his so-called "experiments" have done to me, I'm not who I used to be anymore.

_**Damn straight, you're not. And with my help, you'll murder the soulless bastards who did this to us. Listen to me, Jak, and nobody will ever stand in your way again. I can make you stronger than you've ever imagined, but without me, you are weak.**_

_**Without me, you are **_**nothing**_**.**_

A low creak shatters the darkness encasing my thoughts, and the presence of the Eco demon fades away, crawling back into whatever unknown recess it came out of.

"Get up, freak," a gruff, harsh male voice commands me, accompanied by the sound of several booted feet treading on the metal floor. "Time for your treatment."

Two pairs of hands lash out and grab my arms, dragging me roughly up off of the ground. I allow myself to be towed out of my cell and down the all-too-familiar dim passageways of the prison, too shaken by my encounter with the Dark creature in my mind to even consider trying to resist.

Only when I spot the hulking, easily recognizable form of that damned machine, — suspended as ever above the iron torture chair beneath it — do I struggle to escape my captors. I kick out at any Guard within range, hoping to at least throw them off-balance and grant myself an opportunity break free of their hold.

My efforts only earn me a hard blow to my cheek with the butt of a KG's gun, the impact enough daze me momentarily and stop my thrashing.

By the time I manage to regain my wit, they've already thrown me onto the far less-than-forgiving chair and strapped down my wrists and ankles. I fix the group of Guards with an icy glare as they march back the way they had come, dissolving into the shadows that border the perimeter of the cavernous room.

Not a second ticks by before a new voice echoes from somewhere within the inky darkness, causing my scowl to shift in the direction it had come from.

"Well, well, _Jak_, long time no see," Praxis drawls spitefully as his bulky shape appears at the edge of the platform. The way he spits out my name reminds me instantly of my Dark counterpart, and I bare my teeth at him in order to hide the ripple of fear that passes through me.

"I've come to check on your… _progress_ as our little test subject," the Baron continues, striding arrogantly over to me and pausing near where my left hand is bound.

_So close_. If I could just move my arm right about now, I'd tear that smug grin right off of Praxis' disgusting face. Damn him for having the cuffs on this effing chair constructed from Precursor metal.

"He has shown little improvement over the past several weeks, sir," a second, much more obnoxious voice announces from somewhere close by. "Recent tests have denied any notable changes in his physical state — although his temper has proved to make him a bit of a nuisance."

A low growl rumbles in my throat as none other than Erol emerges from the shadows, moving so that he's standing on my opposite side from his _beloved_ leader. The KG Commander glances down at me with a look of obvious disgust, and I curl my hands into fists, wanting nothing more than to bash his over-inflated head in with them.

"Well, we'll just have to fix that, won't we?" Praxis chuckles, his tone much lighter than it had been only a moment ago — on the exterior, at least. There's something hidden beneath the surface of his words, a certain ominous meaning that's just barely concealed.

And I don't like it one bit.

"What dosage of Eco have you been giving him?" his almighty bastard-ness asks Erol, as casually as if they were discussing the weather — something I hadn't actually had the pleasure of seeing in two years, I realize with a pang of resentment.

"The standard five-hundred E-units, sir," Erol replies smoothly, ever the kiss-ass.

Precursors, would those two pompous idiots stop talking about me like I'm not here? They've both already signed the bottom lines of their death warrants, as far as I'm concerned; they _really_ don't want to push their luck if they know what's good for them.

"Double the dosage," Praxis orders, the half of his face not encased in metal vacant of any emotion whatsoever.

My blood runs cold as those three simple words register in my brain, one at a time. A flicker of horror passes over my expression for an instant, but I immediately dismiss it with a furious glare, determined not to display the chaos my thoughts have suddenly spiraled into.

He wants to _double_ the amount of Eco they're going to pump into me? Is he _insane_? No one can survive having that much Dark Eco in their system all at once!

"With pleasure, Baron Praxis," Erol practically purrs, shooting me a maniacal smirk as he shuffles over to a large control pad situated somewhere off to my right. I turn my head to watch as he punches in a rapid code on the panel, feeling my heart rate kick into overdrive as the machinery above me begins to hum to life.

Icy dread slithers its way down my spine as I shift my attention to the three needle-like prongs attached to the end of the evil device, their sharp tips slowly rotating as they power up. My fingernails dig into my palms hard enough to draw blood, and my eyelids squeeze shut, my every muscle stiffening in preparation for the pain I know is to come.

I can't help but think that my only regret is that I never got to tell my friends goodbye.

No sooner had the idea crossed my mind than the crackle of electricity reaches my ears. A heartbeat later, a scream of pure agony rips from my chest as the Dark Eco hits me, twisting its way through my bloodstream. It feels as if my entire body is on fire, the vile substance searing away everything it touches and tearing my very frame apart from the inside.

_Oh Mar, just make it stop. Someone, _anyone_, get rid of the pain. Please, just kill me now, don't let me suffer anymore, I can't stand the torture…_

Above the noise of my own anguished cries, I can scarcely distinguish another sound, one that only succeeds in adding insult to injury as I lie writhing on the experiment chair.

Two voices, far different in tone but identical in sentiment… _laughing_ at me.

_For the love of the Precursors, just _shut up_. Leave me alone to die, I'm _begging you_. God, everything hurts, I just want it to end!_

I want to go back to before any of this ever happened, back to when my biggest concern was whether I was going to spend the day at the beach, or in Keira's workshop, watching her tinker with the A-Grav. I want to have Daxter on my shoulder, listening to his nonstop chatter and laughing at his sarcastic remarks.

I want to go _home_.

_Why isn't the pain stopping? It never usually lasts this long. Why, _why_ haven't I died yet? I don't want to feel anymore, I don't want to _live_ anymore, just… please…_

Without warning, the blaze of agony licking at my veins extinguishes. I collapse back onto the cold chair beneath me, my breath coming in shallow gasps as I drift in and out of consciousness.

_What happened?_

More importantly, how the hell am I still alive? The Dark Eco can't have killed me — everything still aches like I was just trampled on by a herd of deranged yakows. But… didn't Praxis tell Erol to give me a thousand E-units this time?

So that means either Erol screwed up the amount, or… or it's all —

"_Dark Eco injection cycle complete. Bio readings nominal and unchanged."_

What? There's no way that can be right. How could I have possibly had that much Eco forced into my body without it altering _anything_?

Ugh, well unchanged or not, I still feel like shit. My heart's hammering against my ribs as it struggles to recover from the strain of the injection, and my limbs are heavier than stone, resting limply on the hard surface of the chair. The thick haze of exhaustion churns within my mind, dulling my senses and blanketing my thoughts in darkness.

"Huh, nothing," someone nearby grumbles, clearly irritated with the results of my little "treatment"; it takes me longer than it should have to realize the words came from the Baron. "I was informed that _this_ one might be different!"

Oh, did I not meet your glorious expectations after all, _Praxis_? Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not just your personal lab rat that you can train to do your bidding whenever you wish. Now go run along and kill some innocent civilians so I can die in peace.

"He is surprisingly resistant to your… _experiments_, Baron Praxis." Even in my current drained stupor, I can still pick out the loathing in Erol's tone, as if my lack of physical response personally offends him. "I fear the Dark Warrior program has failed."

The Baron exhales in a low, frustrated growl.

Abruptly, a new stab of pain shoots through my skull and down the rest of my body. My eyelids flicker open groggily, and I slowly become aware of the fact that Praxis has his fat fingers knotted roughly in my hair.

"You should at least be dead with all the Dark Eco I've pumped into you!" the large elf hisses in my ear, but the throbbing in my head where he's holding my hair in a death-grip doesn't allow his words to sink into my mind.

Thankfully, he releases me as soon as he finishes speaking, and I slump back onto the chair, groaning under my breath.

I'm vaguely conscious of Erol piping up to continue their conversation, but my surroundings have all begun to fade away, until the rumble of their voices disappears completely. Splashes of color start to dance behind my closed eyes, steadily taking shape as I strain to focus on them.

Eventually, the confusing array of blotches condenses to form the image of a broad, sandy beach. Before its golden shores, the vast expanse of the ocean stretches to the distant horizon, its clear blue waters glittering in the rays of the sun overhead.

Wow, I can't even remember the last time I saw the sun… or the outdoors for that matter. I'd forgotten how beautiful everything could be beyond the hellhole I'm forced to live in these days.

This place looks strangely familiar, though… I can't put my finger on it, but it's almost as if I'm back in—

"Hey, Jakky-boy!"

—Sandover.

Whipping around, my muscles freeze in place with blatant shock as I spot the two people — or rather, one and a half — I thought I'd lost forever.

Daxter's trademark grin splits his furry face as he drops down onto all fours, bounding over to me and abandoning the young woman behind him to follow more slowly. My ottsel best friend clambers up onto my shoulder without hesitating, leaning casually against the top of my head; just like old times.

"What's the matter with you, big guy?" Daxter laughs loudly, a noise that instantly floods my veins with the sensation of being home. "You look like you've just seen Gol and Maia come back from the dead."

Blinking a few times to regain my composure, I glance upwards at Daxter, my mouth automatically curving into a smile — the first real smile I've worn in longer than I care to remember.

"Nothing, Dax," I reassure him, reaching up to bump fists with my partner-in-crime.

"Forgetting someone?" a slightly raspy voice cuts in, the sound of it playing in my ears like the sweetest of harmonies.

Turning in the direction it had come from, my heart soars as I take in the sight of Keira. Her sapphire hair gives off a soft glow in the warmth cast by the sunlight, and her emerald eyes sparkle with affection.

"Keira," I murmur — sweet Precursors, is that my voice? I don't think I've _ever_ spoken in that gentle of a tone before.

Cautiously, I take a small step towards her, wondering if she could possibly be for real. She beams encouragingly at me, mirroring my movement and then pausing, as though she's gauging my reaction.

Eventually, I shorten the distance between us, until there's hardly an arm's length separating me from her. I gaze wordlessly into her deep green irises, — Mar, I've missed her eyes — instantly finding myself drowning in an endless pool of jade.

"Geez, are you two just gonna stand there staring at each other all day, or what?" Daxter teases, tugging on my ear to somehow help prove his point, whatever that may be.

Snapping out of my emerald-induced daze, I refocus on Keira's face just as she closes the remaining gap between the two of us, wrapping her arms tenderly around me. I immediately flinch away from her touch, expecting some form of pain, but she just holds me tighter, refusing to let me escape.

"It's ok," she soothes me, as if she knows exactly what's going through my head. Of course, knowing her, she probably does. Keira's always been able to practically read my mind; something I guess is the result of her having to read my eyes to know what I wanted to say when we were kids.

Slowly, I allow myself to relax, realizing that Keira would never hurt me — and instantly feeling stupid for even considering that she would in the first place.

Keira smiles up at me for a moment, and then she leans her head against my chest, heaving a content sigh. My heart skips a beat in response, for I've never had Keira this close to me before — not that I'm complaining, by all means.

Almost instinctively, I snake my arms around her slim waist, returning her embrace and burying my face in her hair.

"I've really missed you, Jak," she whispers, her words muffled slightly by the fabric of my shirt.

"I've missed you, too," I tell her quietly, tightening my grip on her and drinking in her familiar scent.

"Aw, you guys are just so cute together!" Daxter exclaims overenthusiastically, bursting into a fit of melodramatic sobs.

Doing my best to ignore the obnoxious rodent on my shoulder, I pull away from Keira, just enough so that I can meet her gaze again. Daxter's already ruined one moment too many for us in the past, and I'll be damned if I let him screw this up for me.

With tenderness I didn't even know I possessed, I tilt Keira's chin upwards with my index finger, bending my face closer to hers in the same motion.

Our lips are hardly an inch from meeting when a sudden, unknown force yanks on my neck, and the vision of my old home shatters around me. Cold blackness crashes over me, choking out the brightness of the sun and the soft lapping of the waves on the sand. Both Keira and Dax disintegrate within the same second, as though their bodies were made of mere smoke, blown away on some hidden breeze.

My eyelids flutter open drowsily, and a jolt of surprise wracks my aching body as Erol's slimy features materialize in front of me, far too close for comfort. I realize a heartbeat later that the pressure tugging on my neck is Erol's hand, his fingers curled around the collar of my grimy prison uniform.

"I'll be back later," he hisses at me, a rather ominous threat that doesn't quite register in my clouded mind.

The KG Commander releases me, allowing me to collapse against the experiment chair once more. His footsteps echo throughout the spacious room as he takes his leave, but I pay him no attention, my eyes already sliding closed as aftershocks of pain from my latest treatment ripple through me.

Precursors, what I wouldn't give to really be back in Sandover again. The last time I felt true happiness was there… on the day before I ended up stranded in this god-damn place.

It's hard to believe I haven't seen Dax or Keira in two years, either. And I probably _will_ never see them again; if I don't die from overdosing on Dark Eco soon, then no doubt the Baron's going to get tired of using me as his plaything and just kill me himself.

Hell, my friends probably wouldn't even recognize me anymore, even if we did somehow manage to reunite with each other. They'll remember me as the shy, mute boy they grew up with, but that innocent kid is long gone — and this shell of a man is all that's left of him.

Suddenly, a new noise reaches my tired ears, so quiet that I practically miss it. It almost sounds like… the humming of a machine?

No, that can't be right; I've already had my injection for today… The Baron couldn't possibly be pumping me with _more_ Eco, could he?

"Ding, ding, third floor! Body chains, roach food, torture devices!"

Wait a minute… what the hell? That voice… I'd know that voice anywhere. But no, it can't be him. The Dark Eco must have affected my brain more than I'd assumed.

"Hey buddy, you seen any heroes around here?" A light weight lands on my chest, putting uncomfortable strain on my worn-out lungs as I fight to breathe. "Whoa! What'd they do to you?"

Ok, this seems way too real to be some Eco-induced hallucination. So then the only person my mysterious visitor could be is—

"Jak, it's me, Daxter!"

—Dax.

Hardly daring to believe what I'm hearing, I lift my head and drag my heavy eyelids open, my muscles screaming in protest. I instantly find my vision obscured by a shapeless, orange blur, its presence blocking out everything else around me. The unexpected flash of color sends a new wave of hurt shooting up through my skull, and I slump back down onto my metal restraints, gritting my teeth in a useless effort to dull the aching.

"That's a fine hello!" the blob that I'm assuming is Daxter grumbles sarcastically, his loud speech piercing my sensitive eardrums. "I've been crawling around in this place, risking my tail —"

Something abruptly lands, _hard_,on my lower body… right where it counts. I lurch forward as a sharp stab of pain mingles with the soreness already tormenting my abused form.

So much for dying in peace.

The rest of Daxter's words are drowned out as a low growl resonates from somewhere within my subconscious, a grisly sound that instantly floods my veins with pure horror.

_**Prey.**_

_Oh Mar, not again…_

As if on cue, white-hot agony explodes from somewhere near the back of my mind, spreading rapidly throughout the rest of my head. My breathing turns to panting and I begin to tremble, my wrists begging to be freed from their bindings in hopes of pressing my hands to my throbbing temples.

_**Just kill the rat. You know you want to.**_

_What are you talking about? I can't kill Daxter! He's my best friend!_

_**Not anymore. If he was really your friend, would he have abandoned you? Left you behind to be tortured for two years?**_

Time itself comes skidding to a halt as the dark creature's words soak in, coiling their way around my thoughts like creeping tendrils of ivy. Just why _did_ it take Daxter so long to find me, anyway? Whatever happened to "I'll save you before you know it", huh _pal_?

_Did you really forget about me after all, Dax?_

… No. I don't believe that. Why the hell am I even thinking that way? Daxter may not be the bravest soul around, but he'd never turn his back on me if I needed him. Trapped in a strange world or not, he would have done his best to save me, no questions asked.

_What's happened to me? I don't even trust my own friend anymore…_

_**The answer is simple. Who's the one that's done this to you? The one that threw you in prison for no reason?**_

_**The one that turned you into **_**me**_**?**_

"Say something! Just this once!"

"I'M GONNA KILL PRAXIS!"

The second those words burst from my mouth, a tidal wave of unrestrained fury surges over me, decimating every other emotion and tingeing my eyesight with crimson. The anguish that had been tearing apart my skull from the inside flares sickeningly, exploding throughout the rest of my body. An image of the Baron manifests in my mind, adding fuel to the fire of my rage.

_**I want OUT!**_

Without warning, a feral roar rips from my throat, a cry that's half of pain and half of anger. My arms and legs wrench free of the cuffs pinning them down as a bizarre sensation overwhelms my body. I can feel the Dark Eco in my bloodstream pushing at the walls of my veins, propelling me to my feet and commanding my every action, its influence feeding off of the heat of my sudden craving for revenge.

Never in all my life have I ever felt as powerful as I do now. It's as if nothing can stand in my way, and no one can ever even _dream_ of having the ability to stop me.

I feel like I can do _anything_.

Movement in the corner of my eye catches my attention, and I whip around to discover a small orange rodent crouching on the edge of the platform not far from me. Fear flickers in its bright blue gaze as I turn to face it, and I smirk in response, delighting in the idea of such a simple kill.

"Jak?" the fuzzy creature asks apprehensively, shying away from me as I stagger towards it, the raw energy coursing through me throwing off my balance a bit. "Easy, now… easy, buddy. I-it's your old pal Daxter, remember?"

Baring my teeth at the cowering rat, I draw my hand back in preparation for a death-blow, my claws extended to their fullest.

_Wait… my _claws?

"…Daxter?"

As abruptly as it had come, the whirlpool of fury consuming my thoughts vanishes, taking my sense of newfound power with it. The talons that had spontaneously grown from my fingers shrink down to regular nails, and my hand flies up to cradle my forehead as it begins to pound in the aftereffects of… well, of whatever that was, exactly.

"What the _heck_ was that?" Daxter demands crossly, unwittingly echoing my own speculations. "Sheesh! Remind me not to piss _you_ off!"

I glance down at the boisterous ottsel in time to see him stomping past me, shooting me an irritated glare as though I'd somehow personally offended him.

"Come on, Tall, Dark, and Gruesome," he grumbles, causing my eyebrows to furrow in confusion. Where in the name of Mar did _that_ nickname come from?

_**Looking for me, perhaps?**_

Those four unoffending words send hard reality slamming into me with the force of crashing a zoomer headlong into a brick wall. I suck in a sharp breath as my mind is consumed by a fresh onslaught of uncontrolled terror.

I was about a heartbeat away from _murdering_ my _best friend_, only because he happened to be standing there… and it didn't even bother me. His blood would have been on my hands — and I would have _enjoyed_ it.

_What have I become?_

Truthfully, I don't even have to consider that question; I _know_ the answer, right down to the core of my being. The man that was once called "Jak" doesn't exist anymore. He was destroyed a long time ago, killed by the Baron and his cruel, psychotic ideals. What was once a normal, carefree boy is lost forever… and _I'm_ all that's left of him.

An Eco Freak.

An outcast.

… A monster.

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><p><strong>JKA: Ahh, nothing satisfies me quite like writing a heavy dose of angst mixed with Jak's brand of sarcastic humor. XD<strong>

**And for those of you that know of the amazing authors on here, darkecomuse and LeiaOrganicSolo, their club on devaintart. com - appropriately named DarkJakPwns - is celebrating Dark Jak Day tomorrow! If you've got a piece of Dark Jak art or fanfiction you want to share, then you can sumbit it to their gallery to enter it in their Dark Jak Day contest. Spread the Eco Demon love, people! Because, seriously, he pwns. :D**

**Reviews are loved, so if you've got the time, I'd love to hear some feedback. :) Thanks!**


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